How to Start Living the Life You Really Deserve: A Practical Guide Psychology Today
09.11.2025From “other people’s scenarios” to your own choices, honest work on yourself, and real steps towards a meaningful life
After critical shocks, most of us feel like we are living “not our life.” In the Psychology Today blog “How to Start Living the Life You Deserve,” Dr. Pninit Russo-Netzer offers not impersonal attitudes, but a specific approach: first, “know what is not working for you now,” and then move towards small changes with presence, openness, and self-acceptance.
1. The first task is to identify your true point of dissatisfaction.
The author recommends not masking yourself with the phrase "everything is fine," but specifying what exactly causes internal resistance: relationships without development, emotional emptiness, unrealized potential, or other people's expectations.1
She advises writing down a list of situations, moments, and emotions in which you felt “not yourself” — this is the first analysis that starts the process of internal dialogue.
2. The next step is to experiment with new habits
Russo-Netzer advises not to be afraid of experiments, even with small things: change your route to work, get inspired by a new project, move from the cliché “I have to be like this” to the “I want to be myself” approach.1
She suggests an “existential practice” — taking three days for experimental choices: each day — at least one new experience without judgments and expectations to check how feelings, planning, and self-esteem change.
3. Honest dialogue with yourself is key to not skipping through life
The author emphasizes: avoid self-deprecation and shame for weakness, accept vulnerability as the basis of authenticity. “Ask yourself — if there were no ‘right’ ways, what choice would you make today?”2
She advises keeping an “authenticity diary”: write down not only your goals, but also your inner fears, doubts, and moments of joy — this helps you see the natural unevenness of your personal path and feel your living, imperfect self.
4. The “five key questions” exercise for finding true motivation
- What gives me a sense of meaning?
- What am I really grateful for?
- What do I want to change immediately?
- What small joys and losses am I ignoring that I should accept?
- How can I become a source of support for myself or others?
According to Russo-Netzer, these questions help us understand our own values and expectations — they become an “existential map” when life is chaotic and ruinous.
5. Creating “space for yourself” — an existential practice Psychology Today
The author recommends setting aside at least one hour every week to completely take care of yourself: ignore your phone, social media, and responsibilities. During this time, you should meditate, listen to music, or simply be alone with your thoughts — a “micro-sequence of recovery” that is available to everyone, even during turbulent times.1
6. Overcoming fear and accepting imperfection
Russo-Netzer emphasizes, “You deserve to be unique, not perfect.” Living a life of dignity is not about following a script, but about accepting yourself even when it hurts or is uncomfortable. The key is not to move toward an ideal, but toward a living, flawed, and authentic self.1
Real life stories from Psychology Today
The blog provides examples of people who, after losing their jobs, getting divorced, or enduring depression, decided to try new paths: for example, a man who signed up for a theater group after 20 years of office routine; a woman who created a small volunteer project to regain meaning after a personal crisis. These cases confirm that even a small experiment in your own life triggers changes in thinking, self-esteem, and relationships.
Conclusion: The path to a decent life is not magic, but consistent choices every day
The main idea of the Psychology Today author is not to seek one-time "enlightenment", but to build a life from small, real practices and choices, to be honest with yourself, and to boldly accept all emotional ups and downs.
Sources
- PsychologyToday.com: How to Start Living the Life You Deserve
- Pninit Russo-Netzer: Existential Authenticity (2025)
- Current Directions in Psychological Science: Five Ultimate Human Concerns
- Heidegger, M.: Being and Time
